“I can’t be sick.” I told my mom Friday night, as I raided the kitchen, taking zinc, drinking orange juice, and looking for any other vitamins in the house. “I have to speak Sunday.”
“You’ll be better by Sunday. You just need to rest,” she reassured me. And at her advice, I cancelled my Saturday plans and scheduled a day home in bed. Boy was I glad I did.
Saturday morning I woke up at 6 with a high fever, and aches everywhere. My whole body was weak, and just walking down stairs wore me out. So I took some medicine and crawled back into bed. I stayed in bed with a stack of Kleenexes most of the day, hoping to recover. But when Saturday night rolled around, my fever got even higher, and I began to worry. “What am I going to do about tomorrow?”
I had planned to speak for 20 minutes Sunday morning at a small church nearby. They had given me the entire sermon time, and I had called to confirm these plans on Tuesday. But Saturday night, I wanted nothing more than to cancel those plans.
I imagined myself calling the pastor and saying in a raspy, pathetic voice, “I’m sorry I can’t come tomorrow. I’m sick cough cough.” Though I could see him in a panic scrambling around Saturday night, putting together a message while his kids were fast asleep, I knew he’d have to feel bad for me. Maybe he’d even let me reschedule. Surely I was too sick to speak.
But as I contemplated this cancellation, I remembered a something I had read that day in Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. It was in a chapter entitled “Sacred Struggle: Embracing Difficulty in Order to Build Character.” In it Thomas talked about how our difficulties in marriage and in life are opportunities for us to become more like Christ. One quote by Gary and Becky Ricucci stuck out to me. It says, “…God doesn’t protect Christians from their problems—he helps them walk victoriously through their problems.”
I didn’t feel like walking victoriously that night. I felt like curling up and going to sleep. But for whatever reason—maybe it was God’s grace or maybe it was your prayers—at 7:00 Saturday night I decided again to speak Sunday morning. Though I knew it would be tough, it would not be impossible. So I made a plan. I would practice for 20 minutes, pick out my clothes, have my mom iron them, have my dad pack the car, and I would get directions. Then I would drink some more thera flu, get a shower, practice for another 20 minutes, and get to bed by 10 (which was 11 with the time change). The next morning I’d have to wake up in time to take more medicine and lower my fever before going. Then if I could hold it together for 2 hours I could come home and crash.
And this is what I did. The plan couldn’t have went more smoothly. I spoke on Sunday for 20 minutes. It was the first time since Friday afternoon that I had stood up for that long, and I had to speak leaning on the podium the whole time. When I was done, I was still pretty shakey and missed a step walking off stage, dropping my bible to the floor. But I was so excited that I made it through, that I didn’t care about my clumsiness, and the people didn’t seem to either.
The rest of the service was a blessing to me. They took time to pray over me before I left, and several people asked me questions and came to look at my display afterwards. As I talked with them, I was a little embarrassed to think of how close I was to canceling my engagement, and I did my best to look healthy while I talked.
After I got back to my house and had some lunch, I crawled back into bed and slept the rest of the afternoon. This morning, I thought again about the whole thing and felt a big sense of accomplishment. Maybe that’s prideful or silly, but I just felt like yesterday, we won. Satan threw sickness and discouragement and temptation to quit my way, but through your prayers (it had to be prayers I don’t know how else it happened) I was able to stand for 20 minutes, God’s message was shared, and a church was encouraged.
“…God doesn’t protect Christians from their problems—he helps them walk victoriously through their problems.” It’s a quote that makes so much more sense to me this morning, not just in light of marriage but in light of walking with God in sickness and in health.
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