Prayer Update (e-mailed 5/18)

Hi again friends,

I hope you all are well and enjoying this spring. Thanks for continuing to pray for me these past few weeks in the States. So far things are working out according to plan.

What I'm doing
Most of my Sundays are scheduled up. I'm waiting to hear back from one church, and then every Sunday from now until July 11th is full! Yay God! I am looking forward to reconnecting with a lot of the churches who've been faithfully praying for and financially supporting me this past year.

It is awesome seeing some of you in human form instead of in text on a prayer list. Teachers may know what I mean. It is a lot different getting your class list, and then seeing your students in the classroom. Nothing beats seeing people face to face. As I see you all it is exciting and encouraging to remember how many people are a part of what God is doing in Haiti through this ministry.

I'm also using a good bit of my time doing administrative work, like writing thank you notes, scheduling meetings, coordinating small Haiti projects, and answering e-mails. To be honest, it has been difficult to find a good work rhythm these last few weeks, but the to do list is steadily getting smaller.

What I'm learning
And in the midst of all this, I think I'm learning a lot about who God is. As I've had more time to reflect on the last several months, including the times since the earthquake, I am finally starting to see how God was there all along. And I'm starting to see how tenderly he loves me.

For example, one day in Haiti I started to crave fresh green beans. We don't get many fresh green vegetables there, so I hadn't had any in weeks and the store I used to buy green vegetables from was destroyed in the earthquake. Well that very day after expressing my craving to my friends, a team came in carrying supplies for the hospital. On their way they had picked up vegetables in the Dominican Republic for the missionaries. And their bags included, yes, lots of green beans.

It sounds almost silly telling you now, but who else knows our desires that intimately? I keep seeing little things like this both from my time in Haiti and now in my time in the States. Someone recently reminded me that God's love is bigger than anything that can ever happen: an earthquake, a friend's death, a sickness. He is bigger. That's been a really comforting thought to me these last few weeks.

How you can pray
- Keep praying for wisdom and His leading as I speak.
- Pray for His provision both financially, emotionally, and spiritually
- Pray that I continue grieving in a way that honors God.
- Pray that I'd obey God in the day to day things and I'd follow His schedule.

Thank you again for everything. Please let me know if there are ways I could be praying for you as well. (I really do like it when I can know how to pray for you.)

take care,
justine

College Graduates

This past weekend I attended my little sister's college graduation. It was kind of weird for me to be back on a college campus and to look at all the students and professors from the outside in.

It made me think back on my graduation 2 years ago. What was I thinking? What did I hope for? What did the speakers tell us?

Even though it hasn't been that long since I was wearing that robe, so much has changed. I think of my own naive optimism. I left college feeling confident. I understood God and the world, and knew what I was going to do to change everything. The students there had that same look on their faces as they watched the speaker or shot silly string at one another.

They seem so young and innocent. I know many people probably look at me and still see the same things inside. But where I am now feels worlds away from where I was as a college graduate.

I had no idea how difficult ministry really was or how hard it is to apply perfect book theories to a broken reality tied up with the messy strings of history. Sure, work overseas, empower nationals, always create self-sustaining ministries, sounds good. But how does that work in a country with one of the worst economies in the world? And how does that work when the parental ministry of missionaries 50 year ago is still strongly influencing the population of today?

I know...I'm learning change is a slow slow process, and people are changed by people not policies. This is a lot harder than it sounded in intercultural studies classes.

I also think I'm learning a lot about God. I knew God was good in college because mostly everything in life was good. I loved my classes, my friends, chapel, my job. Not that there weren't hard times, but it was easy to believe God was good in such an awesome environment.

But what do you do with your good God when there is a huge earthquake, you lose friends, a whole nation is grieved, and an already impovrished country is left with a wreck that would take the United States years to recover from? Is He still good?

I'm starting to believe again that He is, and starting to see that He never left and never changed. But it seems like sometimes I have to trust His goodness rather than see his goodness.

I heard a quote at the graduation last weekend that was something like this, "Greatness is not determined by how much money you make or how successful you are in your work. Greatness is determined by what it takes to discourage you. Don't ever quit." I think this makes more sense to me know 2 years out than it would have 2 years ago.

At 24 there are so many things I just don't get. I am starting to get glimpses of how hard life is and can be. (I know anyone over 40 is probably saying just you wait.) And I'm starting to see how ideals aren't so easily translated into reality. But I wonder if there isn't something beautiful about the naive optimism and hope of a college graduate that starts to slip away as we step into disillusionment. I don't want to ever lose that feeling I had when I graduated that our God can do anything and will do awesome things. This is still true.

What I'm doing in Haiti

This April, I finished my first year of living in Haiti. During that time, I was able to teach 2 English classes to adult professionals. I was also able to introduce my highest level students to research writing, which was really fun. Classes, however, along with everything else were interrupted by the earthquake on January 12th. After that point, I temporarily shifted my focus from teaching English to working with other missionaries to coordinate relief and host short-term teams.

Though this shift was necessary, it was difficult. And becuase of this break, my students andI are anxiously awaiting English classes which will resume in September. This year, I hope to find a new curriculum, raise the standards of the program, and start taking steps to prepare students for the TOEFL tests.

In the long-term, we would love to see our English students go on to become translators, to take Master's courses online, or to pursue degrees at the university we hope to start on La Gonave. Though I am not sure if I will be in Haiti to see the university become a reality, all the other missionaries working in education and I are committed to teaching our students with the university goal in mind.

Through English classes, computer courses, and the use of the WISH library (which is currently under construction), we are equiping our students to pursue further education in Haiti or around the world.

Big Bags

On April 6th, 2010, I flew back into the United States. Inside my suitcase, I carried a couple of full journals, some faded skirts, and Haitian coffee, a load much lighter than the one I'd carried in 11 months before.

As always, I was happy when the luggage guys took my bag from me and tossed it into a pile. It was nice knowing I wouldn't have to think of it again until we reached Ft. Lauderdale. It and all my stuff would ride safely along until I got to the next airport, where I would again let the airport attendants stow it away.

I guess I just take it for granted that all my stuff will be safe, never even glancing inside my bag until I reach my final destination. It's easier that way because then when I get to it, I'm so excited about seeing my family that I don't care that there are coffee grounds in my tennis shoes or that the lotion broke open on my new skirt. And besides that there's no baggage tosser around for me to scold unnecissarily.

But this particular time, my luggage didn't make it through. After waiting for 45 minutes or so, we finally filed a report with the airline asking them to ship the luggage to my sister's house in the next day or so. Now call me sick, but something in me was strangley satisfied to walk out of the airport with only a backpack.

Maybe I get a strange pleasure out of simplicity, or maybe it's because I had packed a change of clothes in my carry-on and knew we could pick up toothbrushes at Walgreens...either way, I wasn't worried. And I had no problem letting my luggage be someone else's concern. I hate carrying big suitcases and all that stuff anyway. If I let my inner simpleton win out over the worrier, I think travel everywhere with just a back pack or with no luggage at all.

It's possible that I'm just a little crazy and hate carrying luggage. But is it also possible that this reflects some spiritual truth?