Reflections In the Tension of Two Realities

It's 8:30 in the evening, and it is still about 80 degrees out. My ceiling fan is on and the windows, as always, are opened. It's hard to believe that at the same time many people back in the States are huddled under blankets or sitting beside heaters as snow blows around outside.

But it's not only climate that separates these two realities. It's political structures, economic struggles, infrastructures, and a history of prosperity or poverty. While I'm in the States, showering in hot, drinkable water, I often think of the Haitians bathing at the public fountains or privately in their homes using a gallon jug of cold, untreated water. Or when I hop in the car and head down the highway to the grocery store, I think of the unpaved rocky paths in parts of Port Au Prince, packed with cars creeping up the road within inches of each other.

How is it that the realities of a five dollar a day cup of coffee and a nine dollar a day pay check can exist simultaneously? How can I walk down a trash covered ally past beggars and barefooted kids in tattered t-shirts one day and the very next day climb into a $30,000 dollar car and speed past multi-million dollar shopping centers or church campuses where any given person can be wearing an outfit easily worth over 100 dollars?

And yet I do. One day I am here in Haiti, handing out a bag of rice or an extra pair of shoes, and the next day I drop 60 bucks at Wal-Mart and tell the cashier no, I don't want to donate my change to the children's hospital. What do I do with that?

On other days I decide not to give the man in the 4-sizes-too-big corduroys money for medicine for fear I'm enabling an unhealthy dependency and instead send my money to an American church trusting they'll choose to use it better than I will.

One day I feel like the richest woman in town because I live with electricity, a refrigerator, and a flushable toilet, and the next day I’m laughing with my friends about being poor because I’ve never owned a car and can’t afford good health care. I don’t know how to respond to this reality or interact with these realities.

Obviously I can’t only care about the poor when I’m living among the poor and then deny their need with a simple perspective shift that places me in the position of poverty rather than power. But how can I maintain a sense of responsibility for the well being of my brothers and sisters who have been oppressed and in need since before my birth, while I have been born into an abundance that was established and bestowed upon me based on nothing other than my birth into privilege?

Almost a Year Later

In front of the Bicentennial Monument January 2011.

Last week I traveled to down town Port Au Prince for the first time since the earthquake. Even though I have been here since the quake, I had not yet had an opportunity to travel down by the palace or through some of the most heavily damaged areas.

So, almost a year after the earthquake changed our lives, I saw the damaged palace for the first time. By now the dust has settled, and the chaos that filled that square last year has settled along with it. The palace is surrounded by a chain link fence and cars are parked in what used to be the beautifully kept green lawn.

Across the street, where a larg park used to be, tents and makeshift homes hide the space and the sidewalk. In another direction, more tents, tarps, and tin homes crowd around the statue of Henri Christophe on his horse. Where students once lounged in the lawn to study, mothers wash clothes in metal basins and children wait in line for water provided my NGOs.

Photo of Bicentennial Monument yard before the Quake. This travel blog photo's source is TravelPod page: Port-au-Prince

The beauty of that well kept place is gone, the need of the people pressed right up against the walls of the fragile government structures.

But what bothered me most wasn't just the raw reality of need, but the permanance of it. Almost a year later, people seem to be settling in to their new homes. Porta potties have been brought in to line the edges of the cities and water stations have sprung up amidst the tents.

A boy in the doorway of one of the tent sat polishing his shoes as we drove by. Meanwhile I listened to one of the missionaries tell me about reports of an increase in rape in the tent cities and answer back the news I had heard about AIDS being on the rise in these settlements, too.

Elections

I'm writing this from my kitchen table. Outside the sun is just setting, the temperature has dropped to a comfortable 80 degrees, and the sound of a man yelling on a microphone is drifting into my windows. His staccato speech is occassionally interrupted by smooth waves of cheers.

To be honest, in some ways it sounds a lot like a Sunday morning church service here where the worship leaders yell out phrases which the congregation echoes. But this isn't church; it's a political rally. Apparently one of the candidates is holding an event in the center of town. There's a crowd of people gathered in the sqaure, and political posters all over the walls in the middle of our city.

With elections only 9 days away, it's safe to assume, the whole country is covered with political preparations. It's definitely interesting to see campaigning in a country with limitted electricity (and therefore limitted televison/campaign ads). Last week we heard a band playing and a large crowd of people cheering and singing. We peeked out the gate and saw the crowd moving down the street, singing all the way. Apparently this too was a political candidate. This kind of campaigning feels a lot more lively than the endless advertisements we see on American TV.

Unfortunately election times in Haiti have also historically been a scene for unrest. With so much corruption in the government, times leading up to elections can become a little more unpredictable with high emotions and political protests. The country dodged potential unrest earlier this fall when Wycliff Jean was denied presidential candidacy, but since then there have been several protests happening in Port Au Prince over other issues.

During the next few weeks leading up to the elections (which take place November 28th), please pray for this country. Pray God would raise up the right leader to rebuild the governement and country. Pray that God's hand would be on all political events, and that his peace would reign. And pray that God would miraculously begin breaking the strongholds of corruption in Haiti.
(written Friday November 19, 2010)

Surprise Students

My first day back after being sick I had four surprise students show up in English class. Because my class is small, and I wasn't sure if new students had registered while I was away, I let them stay for one class, planning to kick them all out the next day.

I worked on a little "you're kicked out" speech and returned to class that Wednesday evening. When I arrived, however, I discovered that only 2 of the 4 had stayed. And after asking a few questions, I learned that one of them had been moved to my class from a lower level.

3 down 1 to go.

I turned my attention to the remaining surprise student, who was sittting straigt up in his chair notebook in hand, eagerly awaiting class. "Having him around won't hurt anybody," I reasoned, and backed down from my kick-em-out strategy.

A few days passed, and this student continued to arrive ealier than all the other students, armed with his pen and papers. So I started to ask him a few question. Where are you from? How is your family? General conversational English stuff.

I soon found out that this guy, who had heard about my class from the mayor, had been a university student in Port Au Prince last year. He had been visiting La Gonave when the earthquake happened, and when he tried to return for schooling found that his home had been destroyed.



Since then, he has been living on La Gonave, trying to find a way to return to Port Au Prince for University. And in the mean time, he's attending my English class. Though I'm very sad he has had to hault his education, I am so thankful that we can offer him an opportunity to continue studying at least one subject and that we get to have him in our program.

Summer Video Update

Back in August, we did a video for fundraising. It turned out great and is a good overview of my vision for Haiti. Here it is the link to youtube if you want to check it out.

Just Click on the title of this post, or copy and past this link in your browser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc6ofXrPicQ

Thanks Ken DePeal for all your awesome work on it.

Snapshots of my Spiritual Journey

This year has been a challenging year for my faith. At times I’ve felt lost, frustrated, angry, and defeated. I’ve been learning a lot, but in the last few weeks some of those lessons have finally culminated into truths I can cling to. Here’s a little snapshot of my journey.

In the midst of feeling sick for the 7th consecutive week, I kept coming across verses about victory.

"The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom." 2 Timothy 4:18

"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3

"They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you, declares the Lord." Jeremiah 1:19

"...no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you." Isaiah 54:17

Lying in bed in a house in Florida while other missionaries covered my English classes and I watched my time in Haiti tick away, I felt anything but victorious. Yet these are the verses I read. These are the words people prayed over me. Could I possibly be winning even though I feel defeated? Can victory in Christ look like 2 months of bed rest?

I read a devotional by Oswald Chambers. "Have we come to the place where God can withdraw His blessings and it does not affect our trust in Him?"

Hmm. Can I trust Him? Do I trust Him? Again, having an unknown illness that made me too weak to fix my own breakfast was not exactly my idea of safety. Then again losing four friends in a year and living through the craziness of an earthquake weren’t on my list of life under God’s protection either. But they happened.

Was God still good through all that? Is God still good now? Who is God anyway?

I read the whole book of Job.

I read about Paul’s sufferings.

"Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthfulness of speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing and yet possessing everything." 2 Corinthians 6:4-10

I read 2 Corinthians 11:23-12:10.

These two men, giants of faith, still clung to God’s goodness, preached God’s goodness. They lived honorable lives yet experienced terrible things. They served God yet they suffered. And ultimately they still saw God as all powerful and as loving.

Who am I to question God? What do I know about goodness?

I read the last two books of Job

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!" Job 38:4

and some verses in Psalms.

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul." Psalm 23:2-3

He must be good. He has to be good. Whether life stinks or life is awesome, I have to believe He is good.

I read another devotional by Oswald Chambers.

"Faith by its very nature must be tried, and the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God's character has to be cleared in our own minds...Faith in the Bible is faith in God against everything that contradicts Him--I will remain true to God's character whatever he may do." Oswald Chamerbs My Utmost for His Highest

Illness and Identification

Sun poured into my kitchen windows, pushing the temperature in my house to tripple digits. A fan overhead hummed. A diesel generator outside moaned, and I turned over on the couch. A day before I'd discovered that if I lay on my right side, with my back toward the oscillating fan, the air might cool my neck long enough for me to catch a 20 minute nap.

And if it didn't work, I knew that if I just stayed still for the next 3 hours, the worst part of the day was over. So I'd lay there, listening to the hum-moaning and wait.

I did this off and on for 2 full weeks as my body fought off whatever little protozoa or bacteria had intruded into my intestines. And as I lay there I thought. Sometimes my thoughts were less than spiritual bursts of self-pity. "This really sucks. I hate this stupid country. Why can't I just sleep in an airconditioned house. I wish I could destroy that dumb generator."

But on other days, my thoughts walked out my front door and crossed the street to the Wesleyan Hospital, where on any given day 30 to 40 patients are lying in rooms much hotter than my living room, with nothing but a warm wind to blow on their backs. Is this what they feel like all the time?

I thought about their dirty sheets and the warm water they must drink, since most people don't have the luxury of a freezer or extra ice for drinks. These thoughts often led to self-depracating comments like, "Justine you're a big baby," and "You have no idea what suffering is."

They also led to prayers. "God comfort those people in the hospital. Heal their bodies. Guide the doctors and nurses. Help them know how to treat them." I wish I could say that living across the street from a 3rd world hospital leads me to pray prayers like this daily. I wish I could say I think often of the suffering of those who are always battling bouts of giardia, dengue fever, malaria, typhoid fever, and dysentery. And those who have no American haven to retreat to.

I wish I could tell you that I knew how extended sicknesses like this impact the income of already impoverished families and how lack of income leads to lack of food which leads to lack of strength and extended recovery time. I don't.

But during my bout with tropical illness, something amazing happened. I stopped pitying the poor and instead identified with them. "It's not fun to feel this weak. Boy I bet it's tough to earn a living if you're constantly battling sickness. Wow! I wonder if the people in the hospital actually sleep when it's hot like this." Though this alone isn't enough to change anything else, it is enough to change me. And that's a start.